Sunday, June 29, 2014

Summer is Out to Kill Everyone! As Usual

By now we are all fairly established that we are in midst of Summer. But it hasn't even been 2 weeks since the beginning of Summer!! I know that we should all probably be thankful for this heat, especially after the really cold streak that we had earlier this year. Summer should be a Godsend, but alas it is not.

Every year it is the same thing. It's either too hot or it's too cold and no one ever remembers what exactly they wanted in the first place! It's understandable, unless you're one of those people who don't happen to live on the east coast. Then, I guess it's not understandable for you guys. Boo-hoo. Go and relish in all of your freaky weather patterns and go home. We don't need none of that bad karma over here. Our weather as it is, is like Mother Nature on her period and acting like she's bipolar for 365 days a year (just in case it isn't clear enough, it is safe to say that acting bipolar is synonymous with period symptoms, but I was just emphasizing the fact). This is a serious hormonal imbalance and you can't just blame it on Global Warming/Cooling/Whatever-it's-called-now. Just like normal women can't just blame their symptoms on cramps.

I'm sorry about the mini-biology lesson... I'll stop. I promise.

Anyways, getting back to what I was initially talking about... I happened to go out yesterday morning in my car, with my family, doing some errands. That was at about 10 a.m. When we stopped to go inside a store and came back out, about a half hour later, we noticed that outside has gotten considerably warmer. And so has the car.

I think that is important to note that my car has no air-conditioning.

So, when we get back into the car, everything's practically on fire because we left the car in the sun. We don't even have leather seats, (thank goodness) but we're still dying. Due to the lack of A/C, we roll down all the windows (except for one, because one of my brothers has a fear of bugs getting into the car). So, with 3 out of 4 windows open, we're at least expecting a gentle breeze or a nice rush of cool air? But, like I said before, outside was hot and the inside of the car was even hotter. So what do you expect? Simple math could show you that:

 Hot + Hotter = H. E. Double-Hockey-Stick times infinity!

Also combine that with the fact, that we somehow thought that even though we had no A/C, putting on the fan in an already hot car, that's already bringing in hot air from outside would be cancelled out as cool air because we were blowing hot air into our faces. Very smart move if I do say so myself. It then dawned on me while we were doing our errands, (which at one point we stopped to get some slushies, but that only provided temporary relief) that I should at least find out what the temperature was so that I could justify why I was turning into a human bacon strip.

I looked at my extremely smart phone and it said: (and I quote, okay more like paraphrase) Temperature - 79 degrees, but it really feels like 92 degrees.

Well, why didn't you just say it was 92 degrees! If it feels hot, then it is hot! I mean, I can see how that would work with really, really cold days, because sometimes the temperature was 32 degrees, but due to actual weather factors such as: wind chill or how close you live to a body of water, then the temperature actually felt like below zero. That's understandable. But, if there's nothing that I can see or feel that would prove to me that the temperature is actually below the point at which one could boil water, then you're lying. No one ever likes weather people and now I see why. Besides the fact that it's an "inexact science," it's just plain messed up. To me, that's like a kid being asked to check whether or not the food is ready and if it is hot. Logically a kid would either have two choices: 
  1. The kid could just lift up the lid of the pot and check to see steam rising from the food = food is ready/hot
  2. Or the kid could pretend that the pot has a "fever" and put her hand on it's "forehead" (putting hand against the side of pot while on the stove) = food is hot/but also have 2nd degree burns
Being that kid that went with choice number two, (like a boss) the weather prediction process kind of makes sense. I'm not sure where I wanted to go with this thought, but I think I've made my point.

Anyways, point being, Summer is out to get all of us, just like it does every year. But look at it this way, at least there's about 2-3 months left before it gives up and decides to throw dead leaves at us as retribution.

P.S: I feel very proud of myself for being able to use the words weather and whether, spelled correctly and used in the correct context for the entirety of this post.

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