Saturday, November 1, 2014

"Do I Leave it Up or Put it Down?"

Let me just tell you that this is not a variation on that testosterone filled Planet Fitness commercial, but the beginning of a campaign involving toilet seat protocol.

Let me also tell you that if you hate anything that has to do with what goes on in the bathroom then this is probably not for you, but oh well, life goes on.

I hope that you at least have the same amount of self-respect that you held for me coming in to read this post, as you will when you are finished...

I probably went to all time low talking about bathroom etiquette in a blog post, but it has to be done!

This wasn't a problem before, but I'm seriously considering this becoming the deal breaker if  I ever get married...

Okay so, usually I'm a pretty chill person when it comes to certain things. One of those things is the issue of whether or not a toilet seat should be kept left up or put down. I really don't want to be seen as that type of person who gets upset for no reason just because a guy happened to leave the seat up. I mean, logically speaking there could have been a whole bunch of reasons that the males in my family all curiously share the same habit of leaving the seat up... Maybe:

  • They genuinely forgot? (We all know that guys usually have relatively short attention spans)
  • They were probably in a rush to do something, therefore they didn't put the seat down. 
  • They probably thought that the toilet seat looks much better up than down?
  • It's to be more efficient in the bathroom? (Guys generally spend less time in the bathroom, so I guess putting the seat back down wastes a lot of time in their mind?)
  • They're just not used to putting the seat down? (In public bathrooms there are no "seats" to put down, it's just a come and go scenario...)
  • It's so they don't waste time putting the seat up the next time they have to go the bathroom? (I guess that would be pretty convenient?)
  • It's so they don't dirty the toilet seat? (I guess guys get that girls don't like sitting in puddles? At the same time we don't like drowning...)
  • They're selective germaphobes? (I guess that would also explain "selective hearing"?)
  • It's just part of their DNA? (A lot of things about guys would make more sense if we all just went with the reasoning that it's just a "guy" thing... Life would probably be a whole lot simpler)

Of course each time my brothers left the seat up, I would just put the seat down and go on with my business and then I would politely remind my brothers to put the seat down. They would usually comply and then life goes on. No need to cry over spilled pee. After a while I noticed that each time I asked one of my brothers to put the seat down, they would usually just run away and not put the seat down, laugh in my face and then run away not putting the seat down, or they would just pretend not to hear me and then not put the seat down.
Eventually, after getting tired of being polite and almost drowning a whole bunch of times, I confronted my youngest brother and asked him why he refused to put the seat down. He literally looked at me like I had 10 heads, and like I was speaking to him in a foreign language. But then he answered: "It's the girl's job! That's why!"

Whaaaaat? Do my ears deceive me?

Okay. Whoa. Where and when did he learn this? Since when is my job to put the seat that he put up back down? What am I, his maid? I cannot tell you how pissed off this makes me!

 Seriously after hearing this I was just about ready to smack the absolute crap out of my brother... I mean, excuse me?

  I (a.k.a: my mother mostly) clean the bathroom to get rid of any evidence of you ever being there (and believe me that's pretty hard to do, since you enjoy acting like an effing sprinkler on steroids) and you expect me to also put the seat down? The least you could do is to just put the seat back down after using the bathroom. I don't think that it's that hard of a concept to understand. It's really easy. You put the seat up, then you put it down! But alas, a lot of simple concepts are somehow difficult to understand in the minds of little pubescent boys. It's like my brothers go around wearing this shirt like it's something to be proud of. But you know what? I think it takes a greater person to just act like the greater man and put the seat down! It takes literally two seconds.

I'm thinking of putting on the toilet to serve as better incentive to put down the seat.
Heck! I'll even give you a cookie! Just put down the seat!

What do you guys think? I decided to make a poll to get everyone's opinion on this very important issue! So, be sure to check it out!

Agree/Disagree: Should guys in general follow the rules of nature and put the toilet seat back down?
I agree. It's only the rules of nature, what goes up, must come down… The guy who puts it up should put it back down. Simple as that.
I actually have no preference... Going to the bathroom at night especially is like a game of Nighttime Russian Roulette. It's either I get it right the first time and sit on the seat, or I miss and fall into the toilet bowl. It's quite fun.
I disagree. All you got to do is just take 2 seconds to take the toilet seat from the seated position to the upright position. It’s not complicated.
The orientation of toilet seats don’t bother me. What bothers me is when a guy decides to leave the bathroom in a dilapidated mess, expecting me to clean up. I’m NOT his cleaning lady. At least work on your aim.
TL;DR. I just clicked here just to click here... 
Poll Maker

And now (not-so-) random picture time!

UPDATE 12/17/14:  I'm thinking of writing another toilet seat rant just because now my brothers are blatantly pretending they're deaf each time my mom and I tell them either to put the seat down or just to flush their piss down the toilet... I mean COME ON! How long does it take someone to flush AND put down the seat? Something's gotta change... Soooo until further notice I'm planning on using this form of punishment in order to get my point across:

What do you think? Any opinions?

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