Friday, July 1, 2016

I am Victorious!!!

NOTE: Play this before, after, or while you're reading this! Any time really! ;-)


"Tonight we are VICTORIOUS!"

Tonight I am VICTORIOUS!!

You may or might not have known this, but I have been going through a couple life-changing and eye-opening experiences this past year.

Among the most challenging was taking my biochemistry course.

It wasn't required for my major or anything, but I just wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted to see if I could handle the rigor of the courses that will shape my future. Every single time I take a course that I think will be challenging, even though sometimes I feel like I won't escape a pit fall that I have made, I persevere and I make it through with the motivation of friends and my likewise motivation of them.

This time was not going to be any different, I told myself.

But. It. Was.

Never at any time in my life did I feel like I was swallowed up in a black hole that was not empty, but filled with despair, self-pity, loathing, irritation at my incompetence, questioning my life choices, and the like.

Except while taking this course.

I held everything inside, thinking that if I showed my feelings to no one then my life will continue and I will be able to pep myself for the next hurdle. Instead, keeping my feelings locked up spent up a lot of my energy and I ended up hurting myself even more. I kept succumbing to the pressure of my future. The weight of it all pushed me down so much that by the time I reached the next hurdle I didn't feel like putting forth any effort to jump over.

I was stuck. And I blamed myself. And I continued to blame myself.

Until, one day I was out at a restaurant with some friends and they suddenly started talking about the course. I was taken aback. Here was a chance to get away from my stresses and enjoy the company of friends, but at that moment I felt that it was all over, here was that course coming back to haunt me.

I broke down. I saw my vision fade before my eyes. Then I saw black.

Then there was warmth. The warmth of a caring professor and friends who reminded me that it was not my fault. My efforts were not in vain. It was not the end of my world. It was not the end of the world as we knew it.

They reminded me to tell myself that I was not being swallowed up, it only felt like it. I am intelligent, I have a vision, I am a trooper, Science is what made me who I am today.

Why am I letting only one class tell me otherwise?

So, I picked myself up; and immediately, since I realized that my friends, family, and God were always there supporting me, the burden I had carried alone for an entire semester lightened considerably. With my newfound energy, I put the pedal to the metal and turned the already overworked gears in my head in order to turn the mess that I partially made for myself around.

And I did.

So for that reason, I am victorious.

And anyone else who suffered either temporarily like I did, or even if you still are suffering, know that one day you will be victorious.

Tonight we are VICTORIOUS.