Monday, July 7, 2014

You'll Never Catch Me Drinking These Names (not now at least)

DISCLAIMER: (This post doesn't really need a disclaimer, but I just wanted to put one just because.) The people who made up the names of the following alcoholic beverages that you are about to see were probably drunk off of beer and thought to themselves: "Heeeey (How I would assume a drunk person would sound like)! We should make our own beer! But let's give it a really "drunk-off-my-butt" name! It's complete GENIUS!"

And thus, that supposed conversation between really creative, but extremely drunk people is what created fuel for this post and therefore this picture:
Does the fact that there are two "Sweet Baby Jesus!" cases cancel out the exploitative and "Ghost Rider's shaving equipment" cases surrounding them? (Note that all these beers are made by the same "person")
I can imagine that if you said the name of each beverage in a drunken stupor then I guess these names would make sense. But, as a person who is still too young to enjoy the prospect of potentially damaging my liver and contracting an extreme case of the "giggles," (like my mother. The giggles, not the liver damage) the names really go beyond me. Unless, they are trying to attract their market of really drunk people, which in that case would also make sense, but would also be a major faux pas because I don't think anybody in my town gets that drunk (not in public at least).

How did I get there? Well, I was out with my mom yesterday, shopping for wine at an establishment that sells a whole variety of wines and other alcoholic beverages (because she enjoys drinking cooking with wine). And I happened to see a whole bunch of things that made me laugh, one of noteworthiness was the fact that the store had an entire subsection dedicated to different types of cigars, which immediately made me think of all those James Bond movies in which Bond either drank or smoked a cigar (I tried to find a video of him smoking and drinking at the same time to prove the store's logic--because that was obviously what they were thinking of--but I couldn't find any examples.) You see the picture right? (I assure you I am not crazy.)
"Shaken, not stirred...The martini, not the cigar."
And the other thing that I found funny is what constitutes that entire blurb in the beginning. (Maybe I should have written in chronological order? Nah. It's way more funnier this way, in my opinion.) Oh well, at least as a consolation prize for suffering through this whole post, here's a bonus:

See kids? This is why you should never drink alcohol.
I think this is wonderful marketing. This says: "Drinking this is soo dangerous, it's basically the same as "Running with Scissors."' A note to all children who will eventually start drinking (including myself). Keep this in the back of your skull, if nothing else.

NOTE: I sincerely apologize if you can't read what it says on the bottle very well (My smartphone camera isn't very smart). I tried to correct this with my vast knowledge of photo editing, (through mostly using filters) and that didn't work... So, here's a link to the website.

2nd NOTE: In writing this post I was kinda inspired by this post written by The Bloggess. Completely different subject matter, I agree, but funny nonetheless.

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