The Reason Why I Never Wear Makeup

Whenever my friends ask me why I don't wear makeup, I almost always answer:

 "Guys don't wear makeup, so why should I?"

 or "What if my face is itchy and I can't scratch it because I don't want to mess up my makeup?"

 or "Don't you always complain about how long it takes you to put it on in the morning?"

 or "No guys go around complimenting girls on their makeup anyway (to my knowledge), so what's the point?"

(I find that answering a question with a question shuts people up quite effectively.)

But the real reasoning behind why I choose not to wear makeup is so much more deeper than that. Don't get me wrong, when I was younger I really, really, really wanted to wear makeup. Watching my mommy putting on her makeup was like witnessing a ritual that transformed her into an awesome goddess and I couldn't wait to do the same.

But some signs told me to do otherwise...

STRIKE ONE:
When I was six years old, I was made a flower girl at a friend's wedding. It was in the middle of summer and to make myself look nice, the wedding's "makeup artist" (a.k.a one of the bride's cousins) put hair extensions, an excessive amount of makeup foundation, eye shadow, and lip gloss. (The makeup artist herself had a healthy coating of makeup and blush which made her look more like a blushing carrot if anything else.)  Since it was my first time putting on so much makeup at once, my face felt unnatural and I had an uncontrollable urge to touch my face. The makeup artist instructed me not to touch my face throughout the duration of the entire wedding and I thought that I could at least comply with those instructions.

 I had spent nearly the entire day indoors in an air-conditioned hall, so it wasn't that bad, until I went outside to wait for the limousine to take the wedding party to the reception. The limo was running late and it was very hot outside. Naturally, extremely hot temperatures automatically meant that makeup wasn't obligated to stay on my face. My face felt really wet and sticky and itchy, and by the time limo arrived I didn't notice that my makeup had dripped onto my dress.

Upon immediately going from the really hot outdoors to the air-conditioned limo, my face felt disgusting and itchy. And then without thinking, I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I felt relieved, but also terrified at what my mother would say when she saw my long, white gloves and dress covered in brown foundation.

Needless to say, I haven't been involved in any weddings ever since (I don't believe that's the absolute reason, but that could've been a factor).

STRIKE TWO:
One day I went out with my parents to Macy's to go and pick up some beauty products for my mother. I really liked going there because of all the free samples that the sales receptionists always gave to me. Usually it was just a sample of perfume or lip gloss, but that time I felt that I had hit the jackpot (I was a pretty simple child back then) because they were giving away sample makeup "cards", complete with instructions on how to put on the makeup.

I took one and I immediately got to work, putting on the makeup while reading the instructions. They were really specific, and I didn't understand what all the words meant, so it took me a while to put everything on, but at the same time I assumed that since there were instructions as to where to apply everything, I didn't need a mirror.

Let's just say that, I probably wasn't the brightest bulb in the shack...

When I had finished, I walked around the entire store and I kept getting compliments about how beautiful I looked. Eventually my parents called for me near the exit and I left the store. We were all about to go into the car, when my daddy decided to open the door for me. He then grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around to face towards him.

He studied my face like he was reading a book.

Dad: "Hmm... You have on makeup I see. Where did you get it?"

Me: "One of the sales people gave it to me. They were handing it out."

My mom and dad stared intently at my face for a few minutes before looking at each other and then right back at me again.

Dad: You did that all by yourself?

Me: Yes! I made sure to follow all of the instructions on the card the person gave to me.

Dad: "Well, you sure did a great job. You know I almost confused you for a clown? You'd be a definite shoe-in for the Ringling Brothers!"

After that, my parents couldn't contain their laughter. They laughed so hard that other people who happened to be walking through the parking lot kept staring in their direction with confused faces, as if they were saying: "who let a pack of hyenas loose in Jersey?"

I immediately looked at myself in the side view mirror and I saw my mistake. I looked horrendous.

My blush was too high on my cheeks. I put on too much eye shadow. There was a whole bunch of other things wrong with my face, but I couldn't remember what they were specifically because I had already thrown away the makeup card.

"Whoever thought that I looked beautiful with this on my face clearly needs their eyes checked!!," I thought to myself.

Hookers probably looked even more presentable than I did that day.

On the ride home, my mommy consoled me and told me that she would one day teach me how to put on my own makeup properly, but I vowed that I would never, ever wear makeup again.

STRIKE THREE:
A couple years later, I was at one of my best friend's house along with her cousin (who I'm going to call Periwinkle, just because her actual name is as colorful as that). My bestie had just gotten a new makeup kit and she wanted to show it to me. It was impressive with all of its compartments and brushes and pads and its vast array of colors and products. Little did I know that I was going to be her guinea pig to test out her kit. Her cousin, Periwinkle, pinned me down onto my friend's bed, while she decorated my face.

To some people this might seem like a dream come true, but to me it's a recurring nightmare...

Source: Crazyflorist.com

By the time she was finished, my face was a dark shade of magenta, I had green kitty cat whiskers, sky blue eye shadow, brown spots all over my face, and the taste of powder in my mouth.

When my mom came to pick me up, she couldn't believe that I had actually let my bestie "mess up my face" like that. What she didn't understand was that I didn't let anyone do anything. I was forced against my will!!

After getting home and washing off my face, (with difficulty, because the whiskers didn't want to come off) I vowed once again that I would never, ever, ever, ever, put makeup on ever again.

Of course since then, even though I said that I'd never put on makeup again, I kept trying (I'm very persistent). As if putting on even more makeup would offset the bad things that already happened to me.

Like getting mascara in my eye because I was rushing to put it on before my mother caught me using her mascara, or almost poking my eye out when I was attempting to use my mother's eyeliner.

Eventually, I stopped when my bestie (the same one who decorated my face like a "cat-like Christmas tree") told me that I didn't even need makeup because I looked too old with it on. Ever since then, I've never put on excessive amounts of makeup (unless my mom tackles me to the ground and forces me to put it on). I realized that I don't need makeup to make me feel beautiful or to make me automatically accepted into the clique of  "girls who put on makeup." I'm beautiful and I don't need creams/powders/glosses to emphasize or prove otherwise. (Until you see my face! Haha!)

Let's see if I can say the same thing 10 years from now.

NOTE: Sorry!! I didn't post this sooner because I was trying to find a picture of myself in my flower girl dress covered in brown makeup and I guess as soon as my house heard that I was looking for the picture, it immediately decided to hide all known traces of those photos. I then asked my mom where the picture was and instead of telling me where it was, she suggested that I draw a picture instead.

So... Here's my cartooned version what probably happened at that wedding when I was six:

I am Picasso. You're welcome.

I'll let you know when I find the actual picture (I bet my house and my mother are in cahoots with each other).

(If you can't read what my mini-strip says, you can click on the picture... Don't worry it won't hurt my feelings.)

*Bonus Panel*

Just Kidding! That most certainly probably did not happen.

NOTE: If it isn't already clear, I'm not hating on anyone who wears makeup! Makeup makes the people who wear it beautiful, but I've had too many bad things happen to me with makeup on, so I just don't put it on. Plus I'm super duper lazy. 

This is probably how I would look like if I ever tried putting on makeup now...

P.S: If you're a guy and you made it this far congratulations!! I'm glad you liked reading this! And thank you to everyone else too!

P.P.S: I just wanted to say the real real reason why I never wear makeup is because I'm totally f l a w l e s s! DUH! Well, at least my skin is anyway...

P.P.P.S: If I could ask another question to my friends it would be: "Since when was it ever safe to willingly poke your eyes out with a pencil for beauty?" Could someone answer that please? Pencils hurt people, like all the time, so I just want to figure out the logic... I almost poked my brother's eye out with a pencil, so why would I dare to put a pencil near mine? I'm not looking for a death wish!
Another question would be: "Why put on makeup since you're gonna eat it all off anyway?" Ewww... That can't be...tasty?

P.P.P.P.S: If you want a whole new perspective on girls who wear makeup vs. those who don't read this article from reddit!

How to Survive your Freshman Year of College

Getting ready for my first year of college was kinda like getting ready for Kindergarten.

 I didn't know how it was going to be like, I was terrified and overly excited at the same time, and I asked my parents so many questions that they threatened that they were going to ground me for a month if I didn't stop (that only happened when I was getting ready for Kindergarten though).

My Freshman year was a learning experience, (and for the majority of it, all I wanted to do was just curl up in a ball and either bawl my eyes out until I slept or just sleep) but it was also an experience in itself in showing me how to be an adult, how people who write textbooks have no lives, and how a professor's only goal in life is to make their student's lives miserable.

Here's how to survive your Freshman year at least (in no certain order):

Read the textbook
Of course this is way easier said than done, but at least try to do it! Do it as soon as you get the textbook, because if you wait until class actually starts you will get left behind (that happened to me during my fall semester with Chemistry. I was so far behind that I just stopped reading the textbook and relied mostly on homework and (badly written) notes. I passed anyway, but still don't do it!!!). Reading the textbook ahead of time is also a way to know in advance what your professor is going to be lecturing about anyway. If you already know the material already, it is then that much easier to understand a complicated subject the second time around (and you'll have much more "free" time).

Plan everything in advance
Get a planner! Or an Agenda Book! Or a Calendar! (Or your mother!) You will need this in order to keep your brain intact and preventing it from turning in a bowl of mush at the end of the year. My mistake was that even though I did have one, I never used it, because I survived my entire middle school/ high school career memorizing everything I had to do. It will not work in College, unless you have a photographic memory (which would be very useful if I did have one). Although I never once forgot what I had to do, I screwed up my priorities and ended up procrastinating on the majority of my assignments.

Nervous Breakdowns are OK
Starting out College is nothing like high school, unless you happened to take a boatload of AP/ College Prep classes (or if you were home schooled), then you're fine. But, if you only took a few or none at all, realize that it's okay to feel overwhelmed with the sudden change in how you do practically everything. It's okay to suddenly break down and cry when your GPA is not as high as you want it to be. Attempting to study for exams that cover nearly half the textbook in only a week, along with studying for 3 other exams (depending on your major) or writing essays for all of your classes (including math) is the norm. Eventually you will get the hang of doing and studying for your assignments and it will almost be a piece of cake (or more like a quarter of a piece of cake... would pie be better?).

Make friends with your professors
Being friends with your professors will get you far in life (or in the semester at least)! Just try to do so in a non-scandalous kind of way. Even if you only get to spend only 15 weeks with them, being friendly allows you to be in your professors's good graces and it will be much easier to convince them to move up test and assignment dates.

Join Clubs
This is a great place to start if none of your friends wanted to go to the same college as you (I'm lucky because only one of my friends came with me, but she's in none of my classes). You can find people who have the same weird interests as you do and start hanging with them for the rest of your college life. Clubs also get your mind off of the assignments that you should be doing. (If the meetings for the clubs at my college weren't held all at the same time I could probably go to more clubs, but logic is not a trait that college possesses.)

Be friendly
At times, trying to make friends in an unfamiliar place might feel like getting all of your wisdom teeth getting pulled out at the same time. It might even feel like betrayal, because while your childhood friends are studying in other states, here you are making new ones. No doubt, it will be awkward. But at the same time since you don't want to end up all alone and crying in a corner, you try your best! In the end you'll get people who you can share your experiences with and they'll be right next to you through it all.

Eat lots of food
A happy stomach = a happy brain. Eat so you will be able to remember everything you need to and you'll be able to accomplish all of your assignments. Eat too little and you'll forget everything. Eat too much and you'll fall asleep trying to remember everything. Why must food be so mean?

Study within your means
I'll tell you right now, I hate studying (who likes studying?). But, you gotta do it or else you get a low GPA. And a low GPA means spending more time in school. School's boring right? So, do it right the first time! Cramming, no matter how well you know the subject, is never a good idea. If you continue, you might as well turn your head into a toilet, because nothing will stay in it. That's about as smart as writing a 10-paged paper without once hitting the save button, going through a blackout, and losing all of your work. Instead, plan your time wisely. Study only a few hours a day, everyday, and be sure to take breaks in between studying sessions. (Note that taking breaks between sessions does not mean going out and hanging with friends or just abandoning your work for video games for hours at a time. That's stupid and mostly counterproductive.) Little by little you will grasp your information and soon enough everyone will beg ask for your help.

Sleeping vs. Napping
Everyone has different opinions when it comes to sleeping vs. napping. I personally feel like crap every time I wake up from a nap, so I usually forgo the nap and go straight to work, using sleep as a reward for all the good work I did. Or, if I'm feeling really unproductive, I don't just optimistically take a nap, have an epiphany, and get back to work. I just go to sleep and leave my assignment until the next day, and sometimes the day after, or even the day after that. Whether you like taking naps for short intervals of time while doing your assignments or just waiting until you're finished to sleep, it will be the same end result, but just don't skip it all together, unless you're procrastinating.

Learn how to drive
On my third week of school I got into an accident (and it was only about 6 months before that I had gotten my probationary licence).

When my daddy came rushing to the scene of the accident, he looked in even worse shape than the car.

It might sound stupid if you're a resident, but as a commuter it is imperative because if you don't really know how to drive then you're screwed (or at least inconvenienced like I was).

The year will go by in a flash  
If you're worrying about how your first year of college will go, chances are that you will spend more time worrying than the time you'll actually spend in class. The semesters will go by quickly, you'll have a whole entourage of friends, and if you're lucky you'll take over the entire school in only a year.

So, Forget about it and have fun! But, don't forget about studying...